I can’t tell you the last time I’ve decided to re-read a book I’ve already read – just because…… (referencing them doesn’t count). But I decided to pick up the book “Radical Acceptance ” by Tara Brach, Ph.D., after I ordered it for a friend (orignially couldn’t find my copy to lend her…meant to be maybe?).  When I received the copy I ordered for her, sure enough, I found my copy. This book was recommended to me when I was going through a difficult time in my life. It was a big help then, but I’m amazed at how much more I resonate with its messages. One of which is learning to pause.

I was literally just reading about this last night when I was able to put this into practice with my son. I’m obviously not the most objective person when it comes to my kids, but my son is really one of the sweetest kids I know (and he makes me laugh). But when it comes to Lego’s – he seems to forget that the world outside of what he’s doing even exists (which by the way I’m thrilled that he loves playing with them…it’s just his choice of when he plays with them).

Like many other parents, we’re usually scrambling in the morning to get ready and get out of the house. Yesterday morning I went in to check and see  if he was getting changed. He got halfway there…..but decided he needed to sit on the floor naked and assemble something! Normal mom reaction…”What are you doing? Get dressed, we have to leave…blah, blah, blah..”. After going out to dinner with family last night we have the normal “I took a shower first LAST night…” between both kids (because of course it’s absolute punishment to get clean). After about 10 minutes of hearing the water running I go into the bathroom to make sure he’s washed his hair…..but he’s standing naked at the counter PLAYING WITH THE LEGO’S  he wanted to take INTO the shower! Fiteen minutes later I decide to tell him to pick up the pace as I want some hot water for a bath later and he’s sitting on the floor IN the shower…playing with Lego’s!!  He got a little smarter this morning….he got his pants on and shut the door to his room….and played with Lego’s!

My opportunity to pause came this morning when I opened his bedroom door and saw him sitting on the floor with his Lego’s. Much like Tara Brach says in “Radical Acceptance”,  practicing pausing makes it easier and easier (fortunately my kids have given me lots of practice!). As opposed to flying off the handle, I took a minute (probably seconds) and just looked at him. “Sorry, sorry”, he says, jumping up to finish getting ready. All I could do was smile at him. As I was able to pause (even if it was brief), I felt a huge sense of gratitude that he had something he loved doing SO much that he could completely get lost in it.  So, needless to say, nemesis or not, the Lego’s are here for a while!

There’s a big difference between activity and productivity. Personally, I’m sort of a fan of both. When it comes to starting a business, both are important. Too much productivity feels like a JOB though….not what I’m looking for anymore.  I’m hardly against hard work, but when what you’re doing doesn’t feel like work, you know that it’s because you feel inspired to do whatever it is you’re doing. I never feel like I have to “motivate” myself anymore. Motivation is external and inspiration is internal. Everything I’m doing is coming from within. The next thing I have to figure out is how to walk away when I’m feeling this “inspired”. There are plenty of times when I could keep working, but I know that keeping a balance is key to staying inspired. I’m still working on this, but I know I’m getting there.

“Worry narrows; gratitude expands. Find ways to celebrate all that you have”. As much as I’d like to think I’ve “let go” of worrying (ha ha), it sneaks up on me when I least expect it. I have a lot going on in my life right now, all of which is good- and this thought on whole living was a perfect reminder about what I have to be grateful for. It’s not just that worrying about things is a waste of energy, it also sends the wrong message to the Universe (as well as my immune system…which is fightly a lovely cold right now) and creates a ‘tightness’ inside that pulls me further away from what it is I want to attract into my life.

The next few days are going to busy, but mainly because I am fortunate enough to be going on a  wonderful vacation with my family next week. It’s certainly something to be gratful for and is coming at a perfect time as well. It’s obvious I need a little break and some down time. I have every intention of just enjoying my time, swimming with my kids, relaxing with my parents and appreciating the beauty that surrounds us.

The first thing is just to take a few deep breaths and sit with whatever it is that I’m feeling at the moment. When I can physically feel that I’ve calmed down inside a bit, the second thing I do is just to take SOME sort of action re: what needs to be done. I just did this today. I have a lot of websites I’m working on, projects around the house and a paper due for a class I’m taking. I came into my office, cleaned up the ’shrapnel’ from last week (unopened mail, lists, magazines, etc.), re-did my to-do list and am now comfortably working and not overwhelmed at all. Just getting everything down on paper has made me realize that’s it’s not as much as I thought, and the added bonus to living an intentional life is that nothing I’m doing ever feels like work.

In the post I made the other day about coming back from vacation and feeling out of sorts- I realized what I was feeling and basically just put it aside. I went about my day, same intentions (building the business, getting back on schedule) and just kept moving forward. I wouldn’t necessarily say I was ‘pretending’ to feel it, but I just sort of put the blinders on and went about doing what needed to be done…not worrying about how I was feeling.

The next morning, the universe provided exactly what I needed to put me back in a place where I was more or less feeling unstoppable! I spent the first 4 1/2 hrs. of the day on the phone (with Lesley in England and Pete in Canada….creating great things to come and learning amazing things with Photoshop!). I also realized (thank you Hemal), that working with these wonderful people I’m meeting isn’t about accountability as much as it is a motivating factor for me. When I’m collaborating with other people, I feel great. Which of course, is really what it’s all about.

I think like many other people, I really over thought meditation and tried to make it more difficult that it was. The meditation I had recorded and listened to was done a couple of years ago with this person to calm my nerves (I was feeling very anxious/nervous at the time…don’t remember why). I was in awe at how I could feel such a huge difference physically- I had always thought meditation was more of a mental thing, obviously it’s both.

I just finished another book by Dr. Brian Weiss- which really encouraged my decision to begin meditating- for as long as it takes, to reach whatever state I’m supposed to. Whether or not I reach some of the states he mentions in his book is irrelevant- for now I’m just enjoying how I feel.

In doing the meditation that I mentioned above, the last thing that I hear is something I say to myself pretty much all day long- and thought I would share it here: “I am capable and competent, and all that I do is enough. For I am in right order with the unseen and my highest self.” What sticks out most to me about this line is – All That I Do Is Enough. This stays with me all day, especially when I think I should be doing something else or something more (whether for someone else, around the house, for work, etc.). What we do is enough, when it comes from a place of love.