Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. ~Harriet Braiker
One of the few magazines that I actually have a subscription to is Body & Soul (the rest I just keep buying at Barnes & Noble on a regular basis…go figure) and it came in the mail yesterday. This is also one of the magazines that I take the time to read the table of contents before I just aimlessly flip through the entire thing, telling myself I’ll go back to the articles I skip. The article I went directly to in this issue was “How to be (IM)Perfect”, by Terri Trespicio. It addressed the idea of perfectionism and how we can make ourselves crazy by trying to be perfect or having everything in our lives perfect. I don’t know that I have ever considered myself a perfectionist, but I know I’ve had certain expectations of myself that I wouldn’t dare impose on anyone I cared about…..why then did I impose them on myself? Ah….the million dollar question. The beauty of where I’m at in my life now though is I’m starting to realize I don’t really care about what the answer is. Simply deciding that it was time for me to move through the rest of my life differently has forced me to look at the idea of being a ‘perfect’ anything to anyone but myself.
One of the first points in the article is that our idea of success is never making a mistake.Ever. Which of course just seems ludicrous. Raising kids certainly makes you appreciate the ability to learn from our mistakes and simply move on. Next. Within this idea the author makes a few suggestions- one of which is to ‘Discover the joys of getting it wrong’. I love this idea. One change I’ve made for myself is that when things go wrong, instead of telling myself to ‘Let it go’ I’ve decided to just ‘Let it be’ (thank you John Lennon). So many times when I’m able to just put something aside, without.. a deadline as to when I should deal with it/address it/respond to it, etc.- I end up letting it go anyways. What seemed so important two days ago has more or less fallen onto the bottom of the ‘to do’ list, where it may not get done at all. It’s funny how the older I get it seems the less I know. If someone can show me an easier way to get through something, I’m all ears.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on ways you’ve turned the page on being perfect or ‘let go’ of ideas that just don’t match up with who you are today. Submit your comments and ‘let them be’.
4 Responses to “Letting go of perfectionism”
On 05/23/08 at 9:23 am
BZ Riger said:
Kim,
I remember about 12 years ago I heard someone say “I am doing the best I can, and that is good enough” I was stopped in my tracks by the simplicity of the comment; my mind screamed you need to do better.
I really took a long moment to think that I could do the best I could and that was perfect… In that moment I made the decision to release perfection and to really step into doing the best I could do in each moment. I am thrilled with the decision and how it’s opened up a new way of being me.
I like adding your idea of “let it be” to different situations that come up that being perfect may tempt me again. It makes life flow with more ease.
BZ
On 05/25/08 at 4:04 pm
Paula Chaffee Scardamalia said:
Kim,
Why are we so hard on ourselves? And so unforgiving of our shortcomings? We don’t expect this from others, why ourselves?
And yes, children are really teachers in our imperfection– and in humility. I raised three sons with my husband. I know just how imperfect I am, but am very proud of how they turned out, regardless of my “mistakes”.
I talk about in my book, how some of the Native American rug weavers will weave a thread that looks like a mistake. It’s done intentionally, because this imperfection is seen as a path for spirit. Perfection being the realm of the gods…and goddesses!
Viva la imperfection!
On 05/26/08 at 3:43 am
Clay Franklin said:
Hi Kim,
Inspirational reading.
My boss used to tell me “don’t boil the ocean” or “just bring me a 80% solution”.
For me I am amiable analytical and sometimes I get too analytical
I need to be sure I am not wasting time on perfection when “Just doing it RIght” will suffice.
As for letting go. The more I let go of, the more new things come into my life.
So, I have become a compulsive throw stuff away or donate it every day person.
I’ll be back…Thank again,
Clay
On 06/1/08 at 11:32 pm
Deb Hansen-Ching said:
Hi, Kim,
Am reminded of two things:
My algebra teacher, Mr. Bell, who always said, “make an educated guess” when a student drew a blank on a question he posed in class.
Also, as I recall, women working on needlepoint or embroidery always left a small mistake to prove that the work had been done by hand and not machine (or at least that was the excuse).
The fact that perfect is just a concept and never a reality can only make the errors worth making.
Deb
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